NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the

back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

-----

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the
toilet a few days ago.

-----

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."

-----

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."

-----

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

-----

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing
the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as
she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

-----

POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

-----

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,"The tooth fairy will
never believe this!"

-----

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning."

-----

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn .....and into the hole he
gooooes."

-----

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"

-----

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!

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